There's been a running theme regarding patience - specifically over the last 2 months. Around projects and work and school. Just a couple things. And it's come up again today - outta the blue - but not really.
Saw a listing on a rescue site for a little black dog named Patience and it was just a sweet reminder that this is one thing to practice...I can practice her namesake. Shoot!~ SHE is living out her name....I can just plain cool my jets about what I think should be happening!
And I appreciate the package this message came in today.
Patience: from Ginger's Death Row Dog Rescue
Well, the short answer is that my brain has some sort of mental beef jerky about the past or about the future.
Worries, concerns, and even grandiose fantasies (hey, is there any other kind?) worm in and take the focus.
What happens then?
Brain engages and then feelings and emotions follow...about the unchangeable past or the unknowable future.
Nothing to do with this moment. At all. In fact, there is no present moment in my awareness whatsoever.
And so the thoughts play out and the feelings come up and then there are reactions based on thoughts and feelings that have nothing to do with where I am or what I'm doing. Could be driving, working, in a meeting, swimming, taking care of children - anything - while not really being there at all.
My finest hours in terms of behavior don't happen when I am stewing and fretting over past and future events. So, staying aware, not checking out is a sort of damage control.
My behavior and actions are not based on what's happening in the moment - they are based on thoughts and feelings ....the only thing I can control about them is whether or not I let them play out.
There are choices in every moment and I get to choose my focus and change my focus as needed. Of course, this is where practice comes in - big time! OH! The Humanity! Yes. Practice again. Staying where my feet are....it's a big, exciting, exasperating, exhausting.....satisfying practice.
Thoughts will definitely come up. Feelings as well. It's up to me to choose whether or not to check out or to be right here, right now.
What are you choosing today?
Including the soggy and fierce hummingbirds arriving more than daily to decklette feeder.
Including the old Siamese cat who has a bed in the parking garage - and mats that I crocheted for her.
She was her before I moved in....maybe I'm just one of her pets.
Just for now.
Playing with positive and negative space via stencil and masking techniques. Inkpads, brushes, and a banded bunch of rubber bands = stamping tool. Plus trusty inkpen.....Pilot G2, you are my inky hero!
Words related to exercise and doodles were of cupcakes. Funny!
Journalling sometimes feels intimidating. There's always satisfaction, and there's never been regret post writing session....but staring down a blank page...well, sometimes I'm the first one to blink.
Words don't always come clearly into my mind or out of my mouth, but images do. Metaphors and symbols come into my consciousness...sometimes swirled with words...this is how awakenings can arrive.
I give you, dear reader, The To-Doodle List. Simply a list format in journalling combined with doodling. Actions to take, self care ideas to try and try again. Scratchings and sketchings of images that just come...This makes for fun....and waaaay less pressure.
Basics in the Lists
Drawing in a box or shape on my to-do's is fun for me. I see and mark the progress I make. Quite satisfying to cross out a box or task. I get to own the action - from beginning to end. It's evidence that footwork is happening - and I'm the one taking those steps! THAT IS HOT!
Other than that the only thing I'll say is that sometimes there's more than one type of list on one page. For me, this can happen. I'm okay with this. Your lists, if you take a stab, might look totally different. This is appropriate and normal - you are making your list, not mine.
I'm lately adapting to a new normal - without my dear doggie - and lately am needing reminders about what my choices are. What was I dreaming about and exploring before Otter died? Looking back over the lists previously created helps me remember. I get to see that energy on a page, and pick it up again....breathe it in again....Keep going, or alter my course. Maybe new inspirations come...maybe not.
Sometimes I forget what my own dreams are. I lose track lately. There's some sort of zone or fog in grieving I slip into, and I wake up inside my skin and wonder where I've been. Regardless, these pages hold choices and are based on what I said - and drew -
that I wanted.
Note About Quiet Days
Some days it's so quiet inside, that even reviewing previous pages yield nothing and the best I can do is just pick up the pen and mark the date. For me, this still counts as evidence that I showed up to the page.
So, Just Pick Up the Pen and GO
Whether it's jotting down a few bits for the day, for a dream, for a goal, the journal is not going to fill itself with your dreams and feelings....at least mine hasn't filled itself up yet. I fill my pages, and then I fill my life. Just for today.
Someone on the radio this morning mentioned they were working at "breakneck speed." The phrase completely took my attention....as it sounds well, painful. Working at a speed that could break your neck? WHOA~
Focused, targeted work is different from chaotic, frenetic work.
Working to build is different from whipping into a frenzy. This morning I associated "breakneck" with chaos.
BreakNeck Speed? No. I don't wanna break anything.
I want to build. :)