Changes come ...
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...so do feelings...
Had some disturbing dreams last night and am having a hard time shaking them off...there's some sad left....
But that doesn't mean today has to be a "crappy day."
There are more feelings and changes on the way....some of each might appear today.
Time for tea and some lovely music...and maybe even something I know will make me laugh..
and then they go....
Beloved nap-happy pal for 15 of his 16 years. 1996-2012
I count unwrapping a crappy day as one that I had earlier this week when I let go of my beloved pet and pal Ott (later years he became Otter). Wrenching. Difficult. Scary. It was awful.
And I came to wonder how I did it after the fact. Honestly, I don't know how I did it.
But I do know a couple of things:
1. I did not do it alone. There was my loving partner, a vet and 2 techs who knew and loved Otter very well...and later, scads of people chimed in with their sympathies as they'd already had some experience with losing a canine family-member.
2. Otter's suffering needed care and attention before mine. Dang! That is a sure sign of love. It's still really painful and empty days later, but I'm proud of myself for taking care of him and giving regard to his quality of life, not just my own.
3. It was one day. Just one. Albeit a whopper of a crappy day. But it was one. Revisiting points one and two help me get to this point. Already friends and family members are sharing memories they have of Otter; he had relationships with folks all over the world who remember him fondly. There is a bittersweetness in sharing his antics and quirky ways....lemme tell you there were plenty of those...am grateful for the little bit of sweet. Though there's still an empty ache.
More on this topic come....crappy days are temporary, which is good....and getting through challenging feelings can take longer than just one day. Feeling love and loss at the same time can be exhausting! Don't know how I'm getting through it, but I am getting through it...not by trying to get out of it....just by taking the love and the loss at the same time. And yes, right now, it feels pretty crappy. That's okay. That's what's going on. Right here, right now....it's difficult.
Getting unstuck from an idea or an energy is work. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally....whatever other "...-ally" you can come up with. It's just not easy to let go of an idea - at least this is the case for me. This post talks about how to find something else to do, when things aren't going the way you think they should.
Now, I'm not talking about just giving up on lifelong dreams willy-nilly. This is about creating some space, loosening the death-grip on the process and letting some energy in. My experiences in opening and closing businesses, taking risks with dreams that scare me all point to the fact that I ultimately do not know ALL that is entailed in how my dreams and goals will play out. They will play out, it's just not up to me to call ALL the shots.
SO. When I find myself in a place of: Geez, I'm here again? - insert incredulousness, sarcasm, annoyance, disgust or "other" -or the thoughts of: I've done everything I can do in this idea, situation, process, then it's time to find something else to do. STAT.
A change of focus to something I've been curious about is key. Something I've told myself I don't have time for....for a long time! It's been learning spanish, various experiments in cooking, bookmaking, writing and handlettering. Focusing on something else I can do, rather than being frustrated with what I can't seem to force is a tough practice, AND a worthwhile one when it comes to quality of life! I would not have learned spanish, made awesome salads and soups, created books with handlettered messages....or even gotten to this blog if I hadn't chosen to.
So, dear friends, what have you been curious about? What have you been telling yourself you can't do? What do you now have time for? What action would you like to take?
If you can't go any further in one direction, set it aside and go to something else.
You get to choose something exciting, nourishing, satisfying...if you want to!~ Who knows, it could be amazing~!
"I just don't have time." This seemed to be my mantra for years despite several careers, hobbies, relationships. In reviewing what's I've actually accomplished to date, with regards to this phrase (aka excuse) ....it's a LIE! I've been telling this big ol' fib for decades - to everyone - which includes ME!
Problem is, I also believed it. All this during a busy life - it was already full - and IN-SESSION! How did I cook up that lie? Why did I drag it around with me? Nursing grudges and resentments? All lies.
That's pretty much what this site is about....fitting more in to the quality of life - not so much the chores, drudgery, resentment-inducing day-to-day.
I could not see that I was living out the choices I was making. In all its entirety - the good stuff too - I couldn't see it. Where was I?
This is the one we've got. Today. This one. Right now.
What's left of it anyway...clocking in at 2:15pm, PST.
What are you telling yourself about the time you have?